SEEKING VALIDATION: WHAT’S WHAT? AND WHAT’S NOT?
So, Let’s get this misconception out of the way—the idea that validation-seeking behaviour is wrong in its entirety.
I think validation and approval-seeking behaviour is simply human nature.
Its in-built and dare I say, reasonable, to some extent.
It’s a part of our many relationships, whether we’re the ones providing it, or asking for it.
You post a new picture, you’re excited when it gets the likes.
You get your hair done, the compliments roll in, you think,’omo I too fine shaa ‘, it makes
your day. And what about the tiny (or even big) inner satisfaction we get when we bring up a great idea ,at work or school, and many colleagues agree with it or support it?
It’s just our human nature leading us to want a certain degree of approval for the things we feel we’ve done right.
But as with everything else, there’s a point where the negatives come in.
A point where validation becomes addictive. That point where; your decisions are affected because you first consider whether it’ll be met with agreement or backlash, or you find yourself softening your position on matters or changing your values because you want to avoid disapproval, or feeling invisible or even anxious because your amazing tweet couldn’t get the likes and retweets that you thought it would.
In time, you may start to lose your sense of personal fulfillment, because you’re basically taking actions just so you please certain people.
And yes, it’s safe to say that your self-esteem and confidence levels will most probably not be at their all-time high.
If you get so accustomed to hearing and receiving praise that the absence of it becomes depressing or hurtful, that’s pretty much a sign that you have become acceptance-dependent.
This is in no way meant to come off as judgemental, because if we’re being honest, who hasn’t felt this way at least once?
What matters is what you do about it.
Start by going easy on yourself, no be magic , recognize that its a process and that you’re not going to overcome validation-dependent overnight.
Always remind yourself that you’re a person in your own right, with a perfectly valid opinion, so you don’t need to depend on any endorsement or pat on the back from others.
Of course, that is not to say that you shouldn’t be open to criticism (the constructive kind!), because guys, this is 2020, there should definitely be room for self-improvement.
Bottom line is, know the value of your own opinion. Make your choices without needing the assent of others. Even though, of course, there’s nothing wrong in hanging out with your friends, while playfully validating each others lives.
Fingers crossed that this helps someone out there! Have a beautiful weekend ahead!