Romantic love is usually associated with tempestuous excitement. While it can certainly be like this, I believe that in our current accelerated society, calmness is the new romantic excitement.
Emotions are often compared to storms and fire: They are unstable, intense states that signify passionate excitement and agitation. Emotions are generated when we perceive significant change or possible change in our situation (Ben-Ze’ev, 2000). They tend to magnify situations and make them seem urgent, which allows us to mobilize our resources.
This characterization also prevails in descriptions of romantic love. As Betsy Prioleau (2003: 14) argues, “Love goes brackish in still waters. It needs to be stirred up with obstruction and difficulty and spiked with surprise.”
Hence, “What’s granted is not wanted.” We think ideal love consists of constant excitement and uncompromising emotions, that love knows no varying degrees and never has to compromise. I call this the Zeeworld syndrome, you and i know that we can’t read our partner’s mind not even a psychologist can do that.
Nevertheless, the above characterizations are essentially true concerning a specific type of emotion—an intense, focused emotion, which typically lasts for a brief period. Change cannot persist for long; the human system soon accepts the change as a normal, stable situation and adjusts.
But there are also enduring emotions, which can continue for a lifetime. An enduring emotion can permanently shape our attitudes and behaviour. A flash of anger might last moments, but grief over the loss of a loved one resonates constantly, colouring our moods, demeanour, flourishing, and how we relate to time and space. A man’s long-standing love for his spouse may not involve continuous feelings, but it influences his attitudes and continuous feelings, but it influences his attitudes and behaviour toward her and others Not all tempestuous emotions can turn into enduring emotions, but romantic love can. In this regard, we can distinguish between romantic intensity and profundity. Romantic intensity is a snapshot of a romantic experience at a given moment; it refers to the momentary level of passionate, often sexual, desire. It has a brief duration, but no significant development. Romantic profundity is an ongoing romantic experience featuring both frequent intensity and enduring experiences that develop and enhance the flourishing of each lover and their relationship. Such love is assessed mainly by the implementation of meaningful interactions, involving joint activities and shared emotional experiences. Time is positive and constitutive for romantic profundity, and destructive for romantic intensity. We may say that excitement is not necessarily a brief, passionate feeling involving solely romantic intensity; it can be part of an ongoing, profound romantic relationship. If excitement includes the wish to learn more about someone and to be more involved with someone, we should assume that time can increase excitement. Profound, long-term excitement can also involve briefer states of intense desire. We can distinguish between superficial, tempestuous excitement and profound, calm excitement. Maturity seems to act counter to novelty and excitement; young people are considered more emotional than older people. Short-term romantic intensity is typically elicited by extrinsic, novel change, while long-term profound love is based upon an intrinsic development of the familiar. At the center of the former is unruly excitement; at the centre of the latter is calmness (peacefulness, serenity), which involves maturity (Mogilner, et al., 2011)