10 Things You Deal With (And Hate!) As A Shy Person
“Why are you so shy?”
“Um. Okay, girl. Give me a minute to think of an appropriate answer.” (*Insert side-eye)
Ugh! That damn question!
Just as outgoing people don’t necessarily know why they’re outgoing, shy people can’t give you a reason why they’re that way. They just know that’s how they are and how they function. Being shy and dealing with all that it is, brings on this spectrum of emotions ranging from discomfort to awkwardness to outright social anxiety. They really don’t need anyone hounding them for the Whys and Hows of their shyness, because while some people would gladly choose not to be shy if they could, a lot of people have grown to accept and be comfortable with it.
You know that person or friend who shies away from group events or doesn’t have much to say when you first meet them? Yeah? Chances are they didn’t choose to be shy or “weird” and it’s something that’s out of their control. It’s just a personality trait, one which they were lucky (or, depending on how they see it, unlucky) to get. But that’s the thing about personality traits. You get to have more than one! Shy People can have lots of different other personalities at the same time!
With that out of the way, here’s a list of things you’ll relate to as a Shy Person.
The horrors of Public Speaking: Please no. Just, No. These are the absolute worst, especially when they’re impromptu. And do you realize how much the educational system caters mainly to outgoing extroverts? Shy People automatically get flustered, with that ‘deer-in-the-headlights’ look, while trying to figure out how they’ll get out of this torturous event alive.
People mistaking you to be rude or a snob: Both ridiculous and annoying! Your shy colleague probably didn’t say Hi because they didn’t know how to be the first to speak without a voice in their head convincing them that they would be ignored or come across as awkward. Not because they’re trying to be the baddest snob ever. So maybe don’t judge right off the bat that they’re snobs? You’ll be surprised how much they’ll open up after being spoken to. Unless, of course, if they’re actual snobs (*nervous laughter).
Assumptions, assumptions, and even more assumptions: The snob thing aside, other assumptions are made when it comes to shy people. It gets tiring. Like the assumption that all shy people are introverts. Or that your shyness is a reflection of your low self-esteem. Or that you’re boring/angry/unapproachable. Or that shy people never have anything to say. Sure, these assumptions hold correct for some people, (they wouldn’t be worthy assumptions otherwise) but even though there’s a great big intersection between shyness and introversion, Shy Extroverts and Ambiverts who desperately want to connect with others exist, and you can think highly of yourself and still be painfully shy.
Feeling drained after making efforts to be more outgoing: Yes. It’s one of the things shy people who want to make friends learn to deal with.
Overthinking and planning for the simplest of interactions: Is it strange? Sure. Is the overthinking fun? Not so much. But it can be so important. Creating mini-scripts in your head for some simple or tough interactions is something you’ll do as a shy person.
And then burying yourself in regret if your outgoing-attempts go south: “Did I smile too much?”, “Maybe my frown made me seem unapproachable.”, “Should I wave next time?”. All these thoughts and questions will drive you crazy. The never-ending troubles of being shy.
People being shocked when you actually talk: “So you can actually talk?” I know. Shocking. But there’s no need to act like you’re seeing the world’s eighth wonder.
Calling as little attention to yourself as possible: Attention? No, thank you. I stumbled on a quote on Pinterest that said something like “When you’re choking but you have to hold it in because 2 coughs has already drawn too much attention.” and I have never related to anything more in my life!
Being told “Don’t be so shy”: No shit, Sherlock. Don’t you think they would, if they knew how to?
Hating your Shyness and thinking you”re not normal: I’ll tell you for free, there’s nothing like “normal”, and even some of the most extroverted people feel shy sometimes. Challenging yourself to go out of your comfort zone and open up more is good, but ultimately, you can only be yourself, so you might as well get comfortable.
So, non-shy people, when next you meet a shy person, if you care to, try to reach out and be friendly, they love one-on-one conversations! And while you might think you don’t owe shy people any friendliness, that’s OK too, it’ll just be great if you didn’t do things they would hate!
I’d love to hear from you! Comment down below or reach me @ihemegozirim82@gmail.com .
