Fatherhood: I have never beaten any of my daughters since birth, says Gombe dad
Dr Kabiru Usman Hassan, Town Planner, with about 16 years of experience in Abuja before joining public service as Director-General Gombe Geographic Information Systems. In this interview with CHIMA AZUBUIKE, shares his joy of fatherhood and how he instills discipline in his five girls without conventional means.
How would you define fatherhood? Fatherhood encapsulates responsibility, someone who is responsible, committed in terms of personality, integrity, someone who exhibits humility in his relationship with people. For me fatherhood is when conduct your affairs with the intent and purposes of showing good example as a father I’m not expected to behave like shenanigans. There should be difference between you and area boys, things like adultery should not be recorded in your act because there should be certain difference in your lifestyle as a single person and a man with wife. Your life should change completely from doing things you won’t be proud of your children and their mother to hear or see you involved in. So in a nutshell, fatherhood is the consciousness that you have produced something that you require a level of responsibility from you and how do you think he or she will behave when they grow up?
When did you become a father? I became a father in 2009 at the age of 30 or 31 years thereabout.
Is your first child’s gender what you initially wanted? No, I really wanted a baby boy. I have five girls consecutively but I’m happy with them and I love them and I have even forgotten about the need to have a baby boy. I love my baby girls and they love me.
Are you looking forward to achieving your initial desire of a male child or you have put a stop to procreation? Honestly, I don’t know about tomorrow but for now I’m okay with my five girls they are lovely children.
How has fatherhood changed you?
It has changed me completely and I’m happy for it. Whenever I literally want to cross the road when I remember I have five girls I do take a pulse and rethink my actions. I usually tell myself that anything can happen to them and I don’t want them to suffer nor hurt them. If I don’t want to sacrifice your child for anyone to destroy why destroy other people’s daughter. Even if you are Miss world or miss Nigeria Allah has protected me from that side because I have five girls and I don’t anyone to destroy their life or to tarnish their image.
What is the most intimate experience you have had with your kids? My first child was born in Nigeria, when I was in the United Kingdom doing my Masters of Sciences upon my return to the country as I entered the house one of my brother’s was holding her but immediately she saw me she quickly moved towards me like someone she has always known.
How old was she then? I came back around August she was around 10- 11 months old then this was to the admiration of everyone present because the little girl knew her father more like blood being strong. I don’t know what it feels like about having a baby boy but these girls love me beyond my expectation. They are in Abuja now each time I travel to Abuja, if I tell them I want to travel back to Gombe State the last two girls will say baba don’t go, we don’t want you to go, Baba if you go now if you come back next time we will not allow you to go. We want to be seeing you. Times that I travelled with their mum when we arrive the fourth one will come and greet me specifically without going to their mother. She shows me love more than all of them.
Any special reasons? I don’t know even if you give her money she will tell you that she is keeping it for her dad, while her mother is there. Her own love is different, when I look at all of them the first child is 13 years ,second 9 years, third is 6 years, fourth child is 4 years and the fifth one is 10 months. I have gaps in between them, it’s only the third to fifth that the gap is not that much. Whenever I’m praying I always seek favours from Allah to spare our lives to grow with them. For Allah to increase me in health, wealth to provide the required support to them. I have seen the plight of those whose parents died the sufferings are enormous, when I see the condition of orphans it usually baffles me.
You are a successful Town Planner and now Director-General Gombe Geographic Information Systems would you want any of your children to toe your career path? No, I don’t care about that one even my wife recently told me that she wants one of our daughters to practice my profession because there is money in it. I said yes, there is money but I don’t want to have two processions in my house.
Why?
We should diversify. I believe we should have Architect, Quantity Surveyor, Software Engineer etc. I don’t like this thing called inheritance of professionalism where your father is a lawyer, and you are made to study law to inherit law chambers. Parents must realise that their luck is different from that of their children, if I became successful in Town Planning doesn’t mean you will be successful as my child, they should be encouraged to take up other opportunities. Well, I have not thought about it.
How true is it that there is money in Town Planning? Well, it’s true a Town Planner is the master of all building professions. If you want to build a house the first person you will see to advice you on the type of plot to buy is the Town Planner. He will advise you on when a low, medium, or high density, is the Town Planner. He will ask you the type of building you want whether you want to have twin duplex he will tell you you that you need maybe 1,500 square metres in order to have low density which will accommodate your two families. He will prepare first site plan, the access road, where to site security gate and so on. He is also responsibility for the layout plan as well as the map of the city. The Town Planner is the first person before the Architect, Quantity Surveyor, Builder that is why in Abuja, Port Harcourt, Enugu and Lagos they respect Town Planners.
Why is Gombe, missing why are Town Planners not as respected as other states? This is my third year since my appointment in Gombe as DG of GOGIS, if you are following us on Facebook you will see how I’m promoting planning. Let’s see how the appointment of Gombe State Urban Planning and Development Authority will be because we need a professional like me, so that we can have synergy where we can create more work for professional Town Planners who are working others in Abuja a Town Planner is better than a Doctor.
How do you reward your wife for taking care of the home whenever you are around and out of the house? Honestly speaking I respect her for that and I really have respect for my wife because my wife, she is humble, kind and she is not a troublesome woman, she is not giving me headache, maybe that is why I refused to add another wife. Even though I want to get new wife but because she is not giving me headache, why should I create problem in my house. Even though you know men, we need new thing (laughs).
What values do you intend to inculcate in your kids? You know I’m a practising Muslim in Islam, the first training you give a child is to train him or her in your religion. Through this training in lslam you can inculcate into his moral values, mentally and psychologically with the use of Quran. We believe that if you memorise the whole Quran you can’t go astray, this is great wisdom from Allah and we believe in it. If you memorise the Quran other knowledge becomes really easy for you for instance western education becomes easy. It’s to note that even your character will not be corrupted negative influences can’t penetrate you. My daughter has so far memorised close to half of the Quran at 13, I want each of my daughters to memorise the Holy Quran before going to Senior Secondary School that’s part of my training to them because I have the intention of sponsoring them abroad for studies especially United Kingdom. So as a Muslim it my responsibility to ensure they have Islamic upbringing
What were your fears before you became a father? How to train them, I was afraid of available resources to train them, the financial capacity, character wise. The fear to provide the needed leadership behavioural wise, like I mentioned earlier as a father you are not expected to keep engaging in adultery. This extends to how you talk because someone is emulating you, following your guidance as a father, you can’t continue to behave like a shenanigan.
What has been your most challenging period as a father? When your child starts knowing certain things beyond their age, you know they watch cartoons which influence their conducts when you observe they are trying to watch what is out of Islamic context, I’m telling you that you can’t sleep. Nowadays, kids know how to operate phones and you find them watching something you will be disturbed you won’t sleep that day as a responsible father.
How do you discipline your kids whenever they misbehave? I have been married for almost 15 years now I have never for once beaten one of my daughters because I don’t believe in beating. To correct them once I change face (frown), at most shout they will apologise or to heighten it I will just tell them I won’t buy this and that for you. Sometimes ago, we went to Saudi Arabia and the Imam was reciting Quran and I asked my daughter which surah is this? She refused to answer but when I shouted she cried for almost 30 minutes and now she has changed I didn’t beat her. I don’t believe in beating any of them since they were born and they are behaving well why should you beat your daughter?
How do you bond with your family in Abuja whenever you are not busy in Gombe? Well I don’t have any place of visitation where people gossip and back bite. If I close now I will go home even in Abuja if not for my businesses but most weekends especially Friday, Saturday and Sunday I can stay at home without going out, Aside attending prayer call in the mosque, I usually remain with them. If I travel now I will just be with them and when there is holiday, I will just travel abroad with them for break. It was in one of such travels that I realised that she didn’t know where the Imam was reciting because we were sleeping in the same room but if we weren’t in the same room it won’t be obvious to me that she doesn’t know the surah.
What is greatest gift have you given your wife?
I have paid hajj and umrah for my wife three times. We have travelled to Saudi Arabia, I have taken her to Dubai. They went for visa to UK but unfortunately they couldn’t get it am still trying to get the visa for them. There was a time I dashed her 0ne million naira and I have reasonable sum with her, we live in choice area in Abuja.
What is your advice to aspiring fathers? You shouldn’t have No to your family. I don’t believe in that, some would say you should sometimes say you don’t have whereas you have, but I don’t believe in that. What I believe according to Prophet Muhammad sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, (meaning Peace be upon him), the good among you is someone who is generous to his family, I think is Hadith. A man kind, humble, generous, Allah will increase you in wealth. Allah loves those who shows kindness to others, when your family asks you it’s because you are alive, when you die who will meet the needs
So for those who are not married for one fear or the other, they should not be afraid? Allah says for those who are yet to be married they should try and marry if you don’t have money, I will provide. He added that for those who don’t want to marry until they get sustenance that they are also right. So you can choose between the two, you can marry and believe Allah will provide or you can wait for the sustenance to come.
To father’s having marital issues because of one gender, what will be your advice, since you sound satisfied with what you have? They can keep on trying however, the only thing is you may keep trying and produce all 10 more of what you already have. So it will be nice to be satisfied with what you have and if you want to add another wife, you know as a Muslim you have the opportunity to marry four wives if you have the courage to.
You share striking semblance with Malam Nasir el-Rufai, former Governor of Kaduna State, some were surprised he commissioned GOGIS, how does it make you feel?
My relationship began when I noticed his straightforwardness, boldness, character and result delivery those are the reasons I love Malam el-Rufai. He did very well in Abuja as Federal Capital Territory Minister, he paved way for us as professionals to reach peak of our career. I admire alot his leadership style that was why I worked my way to reach and introduce myself to him that was how I got him to come and commission GOGIS office. When I told him people called me el-Rufai in Gombe, he laughed and nearly fell down from his chair. Some have said that el-Rufai is intelligent but this el-Rufai Gombe is explaining and el-Rufai Kaduna is listening that the el-Rufai Gombe is too much and our stature too.
Nigeria has a new President, what should parents look forward too especially with the dwindling economy situation? As you know the expectations are high and enormous. As Parents we should pray for Asiwaju’s success, we should cast our minds back to his performance as Lagos State Governor and get the needed hope for a better Nigeria. Bola Ahmed Tinubu did alot in terms of governance, I expect he will be a game changer. According to Victor Hugo, a french writer who says when you have an idea in your head you have everything. He has the idea, so we are optimistic that he is going to change the game completely.
How will Town Planners benefit in this administration? We have urban development plan which was promulgated in 1992, but had not been approved by the President of the country. We are appealing to the president administration to into the urban development plan, so that we can have a comprehensive guide to follow in the whole country.
Is it possible for every family to own a home? Government should try to look at the area of mortgaging. In Nigeria you need to carry 200 million to buy a house but in a country like United Kingdom, England as soon as you get to 18 years you collecting money from government you can mortgage a house. We are hoping that Asiwaju will create a national mortgage system, provide enabling environment for petty business owners who have interest in owning a house will get houses that will fit their earning. If government can gather professionals together for action plan or master plan to tackle housing deficit in Nigeria.
The subsidy removal is one challenge shaking many homes, some have said that government was supposed to introduce palliative before it introduction what do you think?
I’m happy that he (Tinubu) started on the first day of his inauguration with the declaration. However, I want the President to look at the security architecture, by employing and equipping more personnel across security agencies. Get good National Security Adviser, corruption has crept into the Army such that they don’t want insurgency to end because of the level of corruption and the benefits but I know the president had the capacity to tackle the challenges.
