Welcome to the first edition of Pillow Talks With Kay, where relationship is redefined, and life is given meaning……
The entertainment industry has made us expect nothing but perfection in our relationships. We tend to be unrealistic in our expectations especially when it comes to our partners, we expect a partner without weaknesses, a habit to work, a mind reader, someone who sees everything the way we do, we expect a relationship devoid of misunderstandings and most of time we only have interests at heart.
Most often than not, it always how I should be treated, how I want to be cared for, but did you ever stop to ask yourself how your partner would like to be treated or would like to be cared for?
When you decide to be in a relationship keep in mind that you weren’t raised by the same parents thus you guys definitely have different ideologies so neither of you have the best ideology, you are meant to complement each other.
Whenever you find yourself arguing with your partner about something, ask yourself this question; am I trying to prove a point or am trying to make my partner understand this because it will improve him or her?
Learn to understand your partner and stop complaining that he/she doesn’t tell you what he/she really needs; your partner’s need might be a quality time and your partner might not be like ‘’hey I need to spend quality time with you’’ instead it might be in a casual way, like ‘ I wish we could spend time more often’.
Learn to listen to partners when they talk, most at times your partner communicates his/her needs during a conversation, and quality time might be your partner’s love language.
According to Gary Chapman there are five love languages which are; 1 quality time, 2. Acts of service, 3. Receiving gifts, 4. Words of affirmation and 5. Physical touch. These love languages are not just for couples but all kinds of relationship.
If your partner’s or a loved one’s love language identifies with quality time, you might be wondering why your partner always complains about quality time when you spent hours together, quality time means giving your partner your attention. If your partner or a loved one’s love language is act of service they believe in the saying that goes thus ‘action speaks louder than words’ what proves important to them is a partner putting forth the effort to make life easier.
For instance a man with a wife whose love language is act of service she might see the simple act of making her a cup of coffee as love or the fact that he remembers little details about her.
People associated with receiving gifts as their love language are often considered to be materialistic or greedy but that isn’t the case, to them through gifts to you are showing them that you are in my heart and mind. These kind of people are not after diamond necklace but rather thoughtful gifts, it might be as simple as getting them their favourite desert.
People with words of affirmation as their love language, the saying ‘action speaks louder than words’ doesn’t work for them, the people that speak this love language connects deeply with their partner’s words. This love language is about recognition with so much complements showered just as they want to hear you say thank you. As simple as saying thank you for taking care of the dishes or thank you for being so caring; these acknowledgments are how your partner know that you see the value they bring into the relationship.
Is easy to assumed that physical touch is associated with sex but people with physical touch as their love language may not necessary have high libido. If you find your partner always snuggling up close to you, always holding your hand while you walk or long lingering hugs then this love language is theirs.
What’s yours identify it and retain it, if it works for you or less look for what fits you !