By Nneka Iheme
Navigating your feelings can be hard. It can be very difficult to escape from the emotions that come with being abandoned, or ghosted, or broken up with, or cut off.
Is closure a real thing? Maybe. Some people don’t think it is. Because, if we’re being honest, it makes little sense to need a person who hurt you, to explain to you why they did whatever they did, before you can move on from it.
You’ve been hurt before, or maybe you had a friend who just one day decided to ignore and cut off all contact with you. You might have had a parent(s) decide to be absent from your life,while growing up. Or perhaps, you were in a relationship and before you could say Jack Robinson you were ghosted, or even cheated on. The point is: there are countless scenarios that could occur leaving you begging the questions – Why? Did I do something wrong? What was the reason?
And trust life (& People) to throw things your way without giving you a reason why.
Quick note: except in cases of toxic, abusive or manipulative relationships and the likes, ghosting is wrong! So, if you’re a ghoster, I am giving you the stink eye from all the way over here. Be responsible and avoid leaving people hanging.
I like to give a little credibility to the argument that the need for closure is a real thing, because I know that different people show varying degrees of sensitivity to things. In other words, something that simply bruises Mr A’s ego can completely shatter Mr B. So yes, its important to recognize that some people genuinely feel the need to cling to any and every form of closure they can get, before they feel confident enough to move on.
But. Here’s a reality check – it’s a lie. You absolutely will not start to see flowers & ride on sunshine because you received “closure”. You’re not going to forget all your hurt just because your absentee parent sat you down over a cup of coffee and explained why they were unable to be in your life. And, you’re definitely not going to get over an ex because you had one last conversation for closure. The fact is, YOU alone can give yourself closure. You’re the one in whose hands the power lies. Not whoever hurt you. A person shouldn’t get to scar you and still salvage themselves in the name of giving you closure. Resist that.
So now what do you do?
• Accept that whatever happened, has happened. They did what they did and you should move on and decide whether to forgive them or not without caring what their reason was.
• Go through your emotions. Allow yourself to deal with those feelings. Suppressing them in order to look unaffected/unbothered hardly works. Create an outlet for your emotions by talking with friends or journaling. Cry if you have to. Bawl your eyes out, it’s all a process.
• Get rid of things that’ll remind you of the person. Instead, surround yourself with things, people, movies, music, work, books,etc that distract you from lingering on how sad you might be and remind you who you are.
Giving yourself closure is probably easier said than done. You might have days when you get so angry, or feel your resolve weakening. But it wouldn’t be worth it if it didn’t take some effort.
Focus on moving on and not romanticizing your need for closure.
You will feel better. You’ll forget why you were even this sad or affected. That’s the magic of time.
Thank you so for this piece. It’s so encouraging!😊🌷… Closure here I come🧚♀️💃🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️