Most time, i wish night don’t come, so i wouldn’t have to retire home, not a big apartment, just a single room with clean finishing. Comfort is what i think of when i’m house hunting, but no matter how comfortable it is, it can never comfort the loneliness in me.
I’ve lost count of sobbing night, thought of family and friends around, the sound of laughter that never fades, it feels like yesterday i saw them. What can fill this vacuum? Most time, food taste like poison because i am tired of eating alone, 😥 i wish I didn’t have to leave home.
Loneliness brings back so much memories, especially the hurtful ones, of course it has to bring the most painful memories, afterall loneliness is a torment. I will give everything to be with my family again, to eat with my mom, to listen to my brother talk and watch my niece play, but those won’t fulfill these dreams in my heart, so i will have to face the torment every day, while i pray my Adam is close.
Being here is optional, i could choose to go back home and put an end to this torment or face the torment while i build a world for my children, so food don’t have to taste like poison to them, I chose my stay, I chose to be tormented , I chose to hear every single sound of the night, I chose this tears 😭 so i can tell a genuine story.
Even God knew, nevertheless he created Eve. The Holy book say “it is not good for a man to be alone”, sounds like being alone is a curse, I can’t explain why God said “it is bad”, loneliness is bad.
No one can explain the euphoria in me when i have someone around, i just keep talking and talking till forever, the only sound i get to hear often is my fan, I don’t get to give it a reply, because that will be termed mental issue, but my mind is mentally crushed because of loneliness.
Away from home is blessing but the emotional impact is a curse.
