Majority of men in the diaspora are living in denial, pain, fear, and in a cage. The cage is not made of iron. It is made of rent, bills, immigration status, and silence.
We left home to “hustle and build.” But abroad, many of us became ATMs with passports. Work 16 hours. Send money. Pay school fees in Nigeria and U.S, Canada, London. Then come home to a house where peace is negotiated.
The painful truth: women oppose everything that makes a man happy, and they uphold whatever makes them happy. If his happiness is rest, football, or visiting home, it is called “irresponsibility.” If her happiness is hair, trips, or status, it is called “self-care.” The scale is broken.
A married man in diaspora is often a single man without kids. He cooks, he cleans, he pays, he prays alone. He cannot discipline. He cannot rest. He cannot complain, because “you chose to japa.” The fear is deportation, divorce, and losing the children to a system that does not ask his opinion.
Denial keeps him saying “I’m fine.” Pain keeps him working. Fear keeps him quiet. The cage keeps him sending.
Diaspora success must not be measured by cars and remittances alone. It must be measured by joy, dignity, and family.
Until we talk honestly about this cage, we will keep exporting strong men and importing broken homes.
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bcradle@ymail.com