THE COMPLEXITY OF EXTENDED FAMILY: A BLESSING AND A CURSE
This is the biological root of every individual, which establishes relationship by blood. Hmmm, while you may know a majority of your extended family members it is impossible to know all of them. Every extended family was once a nuclear family. Thus, before your family becomes an extended family, begin to put machineries in place to tackle some crisis, because we must learn to envisage crisis.
The extended family is a very complex unit of the society, as a conglomerate of the extended family makes up the society. The complexity of the extended family stems from the temperamental difference, religious difference and difference in values of members of the family, which can be a blessing or a curse.
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While there’s no perfect family, it is important to note that the peace been enjoyed in any extended family is a function of the sacrifice of an individual or group of individuals, like wise the troubles and crisis some one or a group of people are responsible for it. This is irrespective of the size of the family.
One unfortunate aspect of extended family is how pettiness thrives. An issue that could be over looked is usually blown out of proportion resulting in generational strife and malice. This is the curse of extended family. Many extended families have been divided into camps and cliques, thanks to one or some in secured and unforgiving individuals. The speed at which hate and gossip spread within this circle have made some people to take solace from outsiders. Insecurity, entitlement mentality, bitterness, hatred and unforgiveness remain the curse of the extended family. This has swallowed the Joy and bond of the extended family. Often times when we meet, the smiles are fake and the relationship is superficial.
You can not run your family members down in the presence of your children and expect them to love and want to mingle with your family later in life. Similarly, you can not antagonize those who are married into the family and expect them to also love you and mingle with you. One of the hardest reality is the fact that most of our battles comes from this circle which some times we have to take long nights of prayers and days of fasting to over come.
Be that as it may, while we can not relate with everyone in our family line, you would agree with me that a few have been a blessing and blessing indeed to you. While you can not work and walk with the crowd, walk and work with the few.
To the custodians of extended families, don’t be the root cause of bitterness and don’t hand of strife because the impact is transgenerational.
Secondly, build strong family values like mutual respect, love, forgiveness, integrity, responsibility, productivity etc.
Thirdly, discourage manipulations and be prayerful so that you can over come family patterns and battles.
Lastly, show hospitality to foster children and in-laws.
This is the little time has permitted me to write.
M. Daniels.
